It took him days to get his apartment back to the way he'd wanted it, clearing out all the girly stuff that Lily had put in when she'd shared his space, and invaded his sanctuary.
"Hey, I am never doing that again, Bathroom Mirror Barney," he said to himself, in passing, as he took the extra towel off the rack. "Chicks are way too weird, unfathomable, and complicated. But sexy."
And nice, Bathroom Mirror Barney said, silently.
"Yeah, but Lily was a pain!" He tossed the towel into the hamper, then picked up the whole thing and lugged it into the hall, setting it down beside the garbage bags full of other fluffy, decorative stuff. Like the comforter big enough for two people, and the throw pillows. Then he strode over to the bookcase where he'd reinstalled his precious porn collection, and turned on the ambient lighting.
Glass Case Barney stared back at him. Who said anything about Lily? Maybe you just need a different girl. One you understand a little better. One that does the same AWESOME stuff as you.
"Like that's going to happen! There is no woman on earth who is made up of the same exact genetic matrix of awesomeness. You have to have a Y chromosome for that to happen, or something." He shrugged, and made his way back out to the living room, dragging his Stormtrooper statue back out to its rightful place by the window.
You thought Shannon was pretty awesome. Awesome View Of New York Window Barney had a point.
"Shannon left me for a jerk."
And what did you do? Turned into that jerk's crazy not-genetic twin.
"Harsh, Window Barney."
Truth. Window Barney just seemed to stare back at him, quietly. It's been eight years. You ever think about trying again?
"With WHO? Seriously. We've been over this. All chicks are crazy. I've got my bros. My life is great. Why ruin it?" He sat down on the couch and looked up at the flatscreen TV dominating the wall.
Oh, sure. You really want to ruin a perfect night like this? Look at the great conversation you're having. This is the best post-bar talk ever. Powered-Off Flatscreen Barney seemed less than unenthused. Soon enough, in fact, he was glaring.
"Screw you." Barney leaned over the arm of the couch and went for his cordless phone, dialing idly. "This night isn't over yet. I'm going to make it LEGENDARY, and I don't care how late it is. THINGS are going to HAPP--- Hey! Robin! ... Yeah, I do know what time it is. C'mon, Scherbatsky, suit up! ... What? NO! You need to be more like the city! Never sleep! I'll meet you at McLaren's in ten!"
Hanging up the phone, he tossed it onto the couch and went for the suitcoat hanging on the back of his door. Photo Glass Barney smirked at him, a little, as if he knew something he didn't.
"Try again. Pfff. Give me a break."